Deo's Tarp

Halloween Shmalloween. That's for the westerners! Should we even yield to this foreign culture? Sheesh.

So the days of the souls and saints is nearing and I felt obligated to replace Deo's old tarpaulin that was given to his funeral by the TriAD (Triathlon Association of Davao). Sure we can still hang it but not in the center anymore. So I gathered Deo's pictures and scanned them and opened my Adobe Photoshop CS2 and listened to a song for an inspiration to follow.

I made a very unsatisfying work for my first try. I was too pressured but I wanted to do it for him. He used to tell me to "get up, do something and make me proud". I want him to be proud of me and I know he wants to be. So I made a new one which took me 3 days to finish and now I'm more than satisfied.

I should be going by now to help my family setup stuff at Deo's grave. I'm not gonna be expecting anyone anymore. I've done that and they all broke my heart. So good riddance to them.

I can only hope that my brother would be more proud of me when I set out my future plans soon, not just on my tarp.

JO~! nothing.. XD ahlabu XD dun hit me on the hed for saying it XD

Venting Off

Do you remember your dreams in life? Your plans in the future? Your goals and your wishes? Did you ever consider the possibility of forgetting them?

Of course you'd say "How could I?" or "Are you nuts?", even I would smirk at ya for it, but believe it or not I forgot mine.

It all started when my mum asked me "What's your plan?", and my answer was "I dunno." And for a long time now, I am still dumbfounded. Out of school and jobless, I am living a lazy life.

When my mum asked me again--and this time "What do you really wanna do in your life?"--I almost wanted to say "To sing with a band", but I kept my heart and I even joked about it.

Of course, who would make a living off of music except the most talented ones? It's a selfish dream and it won't benefit my family, but deep within me you have no idea how I wanted to reach that dream. But it's foolish, so I considered going back to school. Will I even finish it?

If I go get a job, where should I begin? Even my boyfriend undermines me if I could even get a job and maintain it.

I'm trapped and I wanna pull the trigger in my head and end it all.

I sound like a fucktard, but I'm just very depressed and confused that my lil bro said, "I didn't know you were this fragile."

And somehow he's the only one who understood me in this.

Ondoy

There was a time when I was going home for the summer from Zamboanga to Davao. I was aboard in a Sulpicio Line filled with MT interns from Laguna. I talked to some and they were intrigued of how diverse Filipinos are. They met Cebuanos, Chavacanos, and Illonggos along their route. And in between the lines, they somehow undermined and discriminated them. Oh I know how they talk proudly because they speak the national language (tagalog) and actually live up north where the capital is. I even remember one dialogue from all their bragging.

Intern: But you know, if the whole Philippines would be flooded, I think Metro Manila will survive.
More Interns: (laugh) I think so too.
Me: (nods) But do you know that Davao City has never been hit by storms and typhoons? (smiles)
Intern: Really?

Now, I just smiled whenever I think about that of how surreal that was. And now, the whole Metro Manila is in flood from Ondoy's rain with streets filled with trash and mud. It was a bittersweet for me. Bitter because a calamity caused this country a tragedy. I cried hearing stories of loss, isolation, and struggle. Everything washed away by a 9-hour storm rain which is equivalent to a month of rain.

Sweet. Somehow, there's a little darkness inside me that beams through. I admit that I live luckier than the rest up north. I remember those Laguna MT interns and how Ondoy practically kissed their a$$e$ for the irony. I think it served them right and they oughtta go back to their provinces where the grass is literally greener and the air is technically fresher.

I know it's not right. I dunno why I have a little evil in me.

My primary concern though were the pets and animals. Somehow, the reports are really minor when it comes to them and I really hate it.

Pepeng has now overstayed in northern Luzon because of Quedan and more places have been flooded gravely while landslides occur almost in every major roads. All that happening while me and my family just drank tequila for 2 birthdays. Yes, I feel luckier here down south.

I'm not saying we didn't help. Of course we did. And the help is coming in great numbers for them too. But don't you think they oughtta help themselves too? I'm just looking at both sides of the coin. I just hope the victims don't get whiny and get the special treatment way over their heads.

There are still stories of loss I hear for the victims of Ondoy, and yes I feel for them. It's tragic, but we oughtta learn from this tragedy--and that is to rise up again and never give up.